"Love"

This has been on my brain for a few days now.

What is Love?

How do you know when you love someone? I'm not talking about the way family loves one another, but the way two people come together and build a relationship kind of love. Like seriously, how do you know you're in love? Let me guess.. "You just know." Uhmmmm.. idk about that.

(Not that I'm in it or anything, I'm just curious!)

Opinions would be appreciated!

:)

VENTI white chocolate mocha.

Yummmm.

Sooo. Tough times, tough times. It's getting closer and closer to March 15. It will be a year since he's passed. Seems like just yesterday he and I were laughing together. Despite the pain I feel, I'm joyed to have had him in my life. To have experienced his love and embrace. He cared for me more than anyone ever has, and I know he still does. I'm lucky to have had him there for 17 years of my life.

My mom and I aren't doing so well. We don't argue or fight, but she's emotionally bringing me down and discouraging me. I'm trying not to let her get to me but it's just so hard when you have someone right there in your ear telling you you're a failure and insulting your whole entire personality ever single day. She's really holding me back and it's just getting hard to deal with.

Relationships I won't even begin to touch base on. There's no point. Whoever is in my life right now won't be a month from now. That's just the way it goes. I just don't trust people anymore.

I'm just working right now. I'm going to take very few classes if any this summer but in the fall I will be a full time student. I'm enjoying the things that I DO have at the moment, which isn't much.

So.. that's that!

Love.

30 Random Facts:

About me.
Yeah, it's on my facebook but my blog has been kind of dry lately so I'm posting it here.



1. I miss my dad every single day of my life.
2. I regret a lot of things from my past, but theres no point in being hung up on it. Just move on and try to make things better.
3. I LOVE food.
4. I'm self concious and confident at the same time.
5. At the moment I don't have a job or go to school.
6. Too many people walk in and out of my life, so I just enjoy the time that they're in it.
7. My mother and I don't get along. We are close to hating eachother.
8. I have very few FRIENDS.
9. I think family is overrated.
10. I'm deeply in love with love.
11. I'm not 100% sure I've ever actually been in love.
12. I think that inside of every person is a beautiful soul, some people just need that special person to bring it out.
13. I sometimes judge people.
14. I'm quick to jump to conclusions.
15. I think that Kenan Bartley is the funniest person to ever chief with.
16. I miss my sister and wish she lived closer.
17. My neice and nephew are the most beautiful human beings on earth.
18. I love dogs!
19. I AM Cinderella.
20. I'm currently trying to fix my life because I've been fucking up the past few months.
21. I cry a lot, but I have good reasons.
22. I'm attracted to a sense of humor.
23. I don't handle boredom well.
24. I miss my childhood and would give anything to re-live it.
25. I wish I could re-do high school.
26. I'm jealous of people living the college life.
27. I do stupid things alot.
28. I HATE planning things. The plans always go wrong.
29. I watch I Love Lucy.. and I love it.
30. I hate fake people and people who lie for absolutely no reason.

DMV/YouTube Cypher - Deron

iPhone

Okay, so my brother gave me his already locked iPhone a few months ago. I went to go put my songs on there and I accidentally re-locked it. I need help un-locking it! I don't know how and I've tried EVERYTHING. If you know of anyone or even if you yourself can help, PLEASE let me know. I basically don't have a phone right now because of this and I'm pretty upset. :(

I would appreciate it!

Love you all!

I love him.

Happy Birthday Daddy

I miss you. Happy 48th.

Love You Always.

Am I c... c... crazy?

Life is getting a little bit difficult for me right now. I'm so.. wishy washy with my feelings. I'm not sure why but one minute I'm fine. I'm motivated, I'm up-beat, I'm excited for the new year.. but the next minute I just feel like giving up. (No I am NOT pregnant so please whipe that conclusion from your mind!) I've been restless lately. Going to sleep and 4 or 5 a.m. simply because there's so much on my mind. It would be great to have someone to talk to. I feel like that would help a bunch, but we all know none of MY friends have time to waste talking about MY life. Next solution? I have no clue. I wish I could control the way I feel sometimes but I can't. Does that make me crazy?

What is a friend?

A question to ALL my readers: What is a friend?

I'm asking this because I seem to have a misunderstanding on what the qualities in a friend should be. I'm very close to not believing in the word 'friend'. Like when a child finds out there really is no such thing as a Santa, I'm finding out there's no such thing as a friend.

Inputs and opinions would be great!

LMFAO!!

Yo, this is funny as shit! Yes, I stole it from D.Omen but it's funny as hell. I actually watched it from begining to end.

DMV YouTube Cypher - Pro'Verb

Happy New Year!

Happy 2009, DMV! It's going to be a great year.
I brought it in right... did you?

Nova: Astrono-Me Mixtape

Shout out to my homie Nova.

Mixtape is DOPE. Finally got to listen to it after a few weeks.

Download it. Listen to it. Love it.

2008.

Has been the worst year of my life. With losing my Dad, going through an unforgettable emotional break-up, what I call "Momma Drama", getting robbed, and much MUCH more, this year has been some SHIT. 2009? Oh, 2009 will be my year. I'll be going to school and working on getting my life in order. Wish me luck, even though it's not exactly needed but it won't hurt. I have lots of goals this year and for years to come. I'm excited, motivated, and I will allow nothing to cause me to fall, not even me.

2009. Are you ready?

Dear Readers,

I apologize for my absence on this very blog I call Heartless. With my somewhat busy schedule and no laptop, I haven't been able to sit in front of the computer as I used to. :-\

Any who, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Holidays.

Christmas was a difficult obstacle for me this year but all in all it was good. Hope it was good for you, too.

Peace, love, & joy.

-T.Nilla

About me.

I feel as though I need to further explain myself... ME, as a person. You see that my blog title is "heartless" and the contents inside tell you I'm in love with love, I love this person and that, right? Confused? Well.. this is me:
Okay. I'm not exactly heartless. I'd like to be, it would make my life so much easier, but I'm not. I use the word heartless because I don't have a heart for those I once did. I no longer forgive and forget. I may forgive, but I'll never forget. I no longer put up with being pushed around, taken advantage of, or forced to do anything. My heart is no longer present in the relationship with that person and myself. (I'm not thinking of one particular scenario, by the way.) Right now, I love no one but my family. Maybe a friend or two, as well. But the idea of falling in love with someone is so intriguing to me. Love is something I wish to experience the way my grandparents did. It really is beautiful. Although, I'm in no rush. I'm not out there just looking for someone to fall in love with. I'm just living my life and going about my own business. Hopefully love will then cross my path.

I wish you didn't have to go...

So lately I've been having wierd dreams. Mainly about my dad. The first one was the other night, I dreamt he came back. It's a fuzzy dream but I remember saying, "He doesn't look the same, but as long as he's back I don't care." Hmm.. Then last night I had the strangest dream. It was in a wierd setting, of course, but my dad was young. He looked about mid-20's. I was still the age I am now and I was trying to get my Dad alone at this huge party. He went to the bathroom and I caught him on his way out. He looked at me, having no clue who I was, and I said, "Excuse me.. this is going to sound crazy but you have to listen to me. I'm your daughter from the future and... "(I begin to cry because he has a look of disbelief on his face) He begins to walk away but I grab his arm. Through tears I say, "Dad... Ed, You have to stop. You have to stop what you're doing. If you don't stop.. You're going to die. You're going to die on March 15, 2008." I think he said, "This is crazy." I could smell the alcohol on his breath. Then he walked away. I began to blubber, "but I miss you." Then I woke up.

Hmm.. Really wierd. I was thinking about him all night. From the time I got home untill I fell asleep. Maybe that's why I dreamt about him. I've been thinking about him a lot more lately since the holidays are coming up. But hey, atleast I saw my Dad.

DMV/YouTube Cypher - Lyriciss

That's what I'm talkin 'bout!
Pro'verb up next.

"Super Boo" - Kid Cudi

Props to illroots. Song is dope.

I need an iPod or something. ASAP.

Click to Download/Listen

Btw, check out Kanye's post from ealier today. CNN: Common x Obama

Kid Cudi - "Day & Night" (vid)

YES, I stole it from Nando. What do you expect? I love this video. Literally. :)